Supermarket Sex

This one is from Derek's Vandalism of Words, a blog which I find quite entertaining.

Supermarket Sex
I have this terrific marketing concept for supermarkets. One I have worked over in my head for months, and can now say assuredly that it is a guaranteed winner and sure to increase both turnover and profit.

The first notion of this idea came to me as I was in a supermarket going about my normal routine. That is, have a list, go directly to the items, gather them as quickly as possible and go directly to the checkout, pay and then leave. Other men were also shopping in this supermarket, with similar methods of attacking this dreaded chore. It was noticeable however, and I had made this observation many times, that women have a totally different approach to the same task.

They begin with selecting just the right trolley. Not just any one. But the one that will give them the ride, suspension and forward momentum they desire. They begin methodically at the first aisle, which is never the freezer or refrigerated aisle as they leave these until last so as to minimise thawing. They have a list but only refer to this for inspiration. Every item on the shelves comes under consideration. Picked up, labels read, compared, thought about and in most cases replaced on the shelf unpurchased. For a woman it is also mandatory, and I am sure great fun indeed to leave their trolley in a position to create maximum aisle blockage, and wander off in search of the perfect bottle of hair conditioner. If a man, on his direct and fast as possible approach is caught touching her trolley in an attempt to progress, she scowls at him and will ensure she does it again to him in the next aisle out of sheer spite.

After a few hours of ‘feeling, touching, reading and comparing’ ladies make their way to the checkout. Always, with split second timing, just ahead of a man in a hurry. She will unload her trolley with the utmost care and planning in precisely the right order as to ensure her precious goods end up in the opposite order in her shopping bags. After unloading her trolley completely and checking every price as it is scanned, she will then look at her list and excuse herself while she ‘pops’ off to collect a couple of items she missed. There are some that now announce that they have bought more than they had budgeted for and start a process of deciding which items can be un-scanned and removed from the total.

The man behind her stands patiently with a forced smile, and wishes someone had a better idea. Well, I have it.

All, and I make no exceptions here, all checkout operators should be young, intelligent and attractive women aged between seventeen and twenty five. And be suitably equipped to conduct their scanning and packing duties completely and utterly topless. Cashiers for express lanes for 8 items or less should be similarly qualified but work entirely nude.

You may laugh now, but as my rationale behind this marketing plan unfolds I am sure you will see the commercial advantages.

Firstly men will want to go shopping. Men will desperately want to go shopping. Women will be less enthusiastic, and eventually be so outnumbered they will start to believe it a male domain and desist. The saleable goods of the supermarket will of course move from shelf to sale much quicker under this scheme. Men will quickly select their goods and proceed to the checkouts as quickly as possible. Although each individual sale will be smaller in volume, sales will actually increase as men will make their purchase, drop it in his car and then return for the second bagful.

Less checkout staff will be required because now their will be no complaint about waiting in a long line to be served. As long as each male shopper can see a nubile pair of breasts he will happily wait all day to be served. As an added benefit, a great saving will be made on the very expensive capital outlay and maintenance costs of shopping trolleys as they will be little used and eventually could be phased out of operation, as men will be very happy to shop just for the few things needed, and return the next day for what they couldn’t carry in a hand held basket. The attraction of all nude express lanes will add to the incentive not to use shopping trolleys with a potential saving of thousands upon thousands of dollars.

Special promotions could be planned but I will leave this part of my plan under wraps, as I believe I could be doing myself out of a handsome consultancy fee if I freely part will all the information necessary to implementing this brilliant retail strategy.

An excerpt from An Uneducated View of Sex, Food and Politics.
by Derek Haines
ISBN-10: 1449509347

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Awesome Video - Stopmotion Building a Motorcycle

It wasn't good enough for them to build a motorcycle in their garage. No, they had to do it with a stop-motion video showing the parts assembling themselves. Pretty awesome.

HT: Wired Autopia

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Happy Thanksgiving!

Walmart Says You Can RIP for Less!

Funerals cost a lot. Caskets cost a lot. Dying costs almost as much as getting born. Some people mortgage houses, spend all of the life insurance cash, and more just to bury someone. The the cold reality of the $700 Social Security "funeral" benefit shows up.

Well, lucky for us, it's Wal-Mart to the rescue! The nation's low price leader has announced that they're now carrying coffins. Yep, watch your head, those falling prices could land you in one of these caskets.

Caskets start at $12.88 and go up from there. Oh, wait, that's an album by some band called Casket Salesman. OK, so prices start at $895 and go up from there.

Check it out.


--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

The Religion Flowchart: Choosing the Best Religion For You

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Febreze and Bachelorhood

A note for my bachelor friends:

Febreze is NOT a replacement for showering and/or laundry. You can't hose your clothing (or self) down with it and expect to be good for a couple of extra days. Sorry to break it to you.

Also, those commercials lie.

You can't spray down your pad with it and instantly have a clean place. Febreze does not take the used underwear off the ceiling fan, remove the week-old bread crumbs from the sofa, nor does it magically remove the odor from when you got drunk and missed the toilet.

Dads: please don't spray down your toddler with it hoping to eliminate the interesting smells they emit. That doesn't work either.

Also note: it does not work on dogs. Lame, I know, but it's the truth.

In fact, so far I've found no actual use for Febreze. I'm not even sure what it's really for, since the commercials are obviously showing totally unrealistic scenarios wherein it's being deployed.


--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

The Three Rules of Dating, Realtionships and Life

Alright. I've managed, through a long career in various job descriptions, to specialize almost entirely in taking complex things and boiling them down to their basics. I've done this with politics, global warming, religion, and now I'm going to do it with dating.

This information, of course, applies whether your relationship is a man-woman, woman-man, man-man, woman-woman, man-woman-goat, or any combination thereof. Sorry, it does not include donkeys. You sick pervert.

What I am analyzing here is the way that people walk into dating and the resulting relationships as if there's some huge mystique involved. Magazines like Cosmopolitan and Esquire have made whole fortunes from this false mystery and the promotion of it. I'm about to shatter their marketing strategy.

1 - Dating, at its essence.
Lots of discussion is given to "dating" and how this "complex relationship" of courtship is pursued by those involved (and often their mothers). Whole doctoral thesis and sections of religious texts are concerned with the act of courtship (dating) and its activities.

In my usual fashion, I will boil down the act of dating into one simple word that explains everything happening, no matter what it is.

SEX

Yes, folks. Pretty it up all you want, dating is just about sex. Do you dress up for your date, try on a half dozen colognes, spend an hour doing your hair, and use various mirrors and lighting tricks to attempt to pluck every stray hair just to "look good?" No, you do it so you'll look sexy.

We don't ask each other out, go to the best places, eat food we can't pronounce, and act like civilized people just so that we can "have fun." We do it so we can have fun by getting laid.

I don't care what religious phrases, moral overtones, multi-syllable psychiatric terms, or whatever else you try to use to explain dating. They're just really complicated ways to say "sex."

Dating is for sex. Those who don't believe that are lying to themselves. They're probably feminists, Methodists, sexists or some other "ists" to boot.

2. Marriage is for one thing.
All the various human relationships we create for our intimate lives, such as marriage, couple-hood, and all that, are for procreation. (That's a big word for sex.)

We don't get married in order that God will recognize us as a couple who will live together forever, or until "death do us part," or whatever. We get married so that we have a legally-binding contract we can enforce when the jerk tries to dump us when we tell him we're pregnant. Or so that we can keep all our stuff when the witch trots off with our best friend.

No matter the situation, marriage is about sex. More specifically, it's about sex exclusivity and the children that result. Whether your marriage is about two people or ten people or even five people and a yak, it's about exclusive sexual rights.

Everything else in marriage is just dating, but with fewer manners.

3. Old people have sex.
I threw this one in there to make sure you were still paying attention. Make sure to flush after you've finished puking and then keep reading. I promise I'm done grossing you out.

The point of this section's title (don't re-read it, you idiot! Alright, let me know when you get back... geez, throwing up sure does sound sickening) ... oh, right, the point of this section is to get you to note something: no matter how old you get, you're still thinking about sex.

(Damn, how much did you eat, anyway? Is there supposed to be green stuff in there?)

Alright, I'll just finish this off then. Everything in your life is basically about sex. From the time you become sexually aware (scientists are out on this one, but I'm guessing it's about the time people start using the word "teen" to describe you) to the time you die, everything in your life is about sex.

Before that time, everything in your life is about making adults feel awkward about sex. Yep, you may not have realized it, but children exist for one reason (other than growing up to become adults): making your sex life suck.

So, when you really boil it down, Freud was right. From the moment we're conceived (and the thirty seconds before that point, probably), our lives are all about sex.

Conception = sex
Birth = disruption of sex
Childhood = disruption and embarrassment about sex
Teenager = nothing but sexual thought
Adult = pursuit of sex
Death = completing the circle by making room for the people showing up because of conception.

There you go. If you were hoping for deep enlightenment from this, I hope you were satisfied. I know, I know. Don't praise me for my depth of insight. Just send money.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Gubmint and How Gubmint Works

Received via email

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard
in the middle of a desert. Congress said, "Someone may
steal from it at night." So they created a night
watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job
without instruction?" So they created a planning department
and hired two people, one person to write the instructions,
and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman
is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality
Control department and hired two people. One to do the
studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get
paid?" So They created the following positions, a time
keeper, and a payroll officer, Then hired two people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of
these people?" So they created an administrative section
and hired three people, an Administrative Officer,
Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in
operation for one Year and we are $18,000 over
budget, we must cutback overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman.

NOW slowly, let it sink in.

Quietly, we go like sheep to slaughter.

Does anybody remember the reason given for the
establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY....
during the Carter Administration?

Anybody ?

Anything?

No?

Didn't think so!

Bottom line. We've spent several hundred billion
dollars in support of an agency...the reason for
which not one person who reads this can remember!

Ready??

It was very simple...and at the time, everybody thought it very appropriate.

The Department of Energy was instituted on 8-04-1977.
TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.

Hey, pretty efficient, huh???

AND NOW IT'S 2009 -- 32 YEARS LATER -- AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS"NECESSARY"DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR. THEY HAVE 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES; AND LOOK AT THE JOB THEY HAVE DONE! THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY, "WHAT WAS I THINKING?"

Ah, yes -- good ole bureaucracy.

AND, NOW, WE ARE GOING TO TURN THE BANKING SYSTEM, HEALTH CARE, AND THE AUTO INDUSTRY OVER TO THE SAME GOVERNMENT?
HELLOOO! Anybody Home?

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Capital Nativity Scene

Via email: The US Supreme Court has decided that no Nativity Scene can be presented on the U.S. Capital this year. Interestingly, this is not for religious reasons.

Apparently, they cannot find Three Wise Men in the nation's capital, they're unable to locate a proper Virgin, and so far all they've located are more than enough asses to fill the stable.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Peace Prize

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Top Secret

Right now, I'm working on something so top secret that I can't even tell you. If I did tell you about it, I'd have to, like, make you promise not to tell anybody else. That's how secret this is, man. Totally cool, though. Wish I could tell you more, but I can't. It's secret. Remember? Right. I'll show you when I'm done and the coast is clear.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Website Power

I was gonna power my website entirely on wind generators, but since it's only windy in Wyoming here about 360 days of the year, I was concerned about that 5 days of down time. That's not good for business.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Good news, Wyoming! California is still stupid

by the Cheyenne Green Living Examiner


Under a severe budget crunch, California has three big plans to save their wallets from extinction: cancelling their big-money solar plant plans in the Mojave Desert, holding a big State yard sale to sell off overflow equipment and stuff they no longer need and... raising the amount of renewable power they are requiring themselves to buy.

That last one might not be so bad, as the original plan was to raise the mandate for the amount of power California must have from renewable sources (wind, solar, geothermal, etc.) to 38% and to do so from in-state sources.

Then came the Governator. Wyoming can thank him for nixing that plan and implementing only the bad bits. Bad for California, that is. So far, California is the number one importer of Wyoming green power and it looks like they'll continue to be so, no matter how many windmills we throw out there and how much power we can produce to send to the Golden State.

Once again, good news for us. We get the jobs, they get the debt. Good trade.

Eventually those socialists out there are going to have to wake up and realize that their high-dollar experiment has run out of funding and come back to earth. Until then, I say we milk them for all they're worth. It's not like we pay for the wind here. Right?

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

The Gay Closet

I've always wondered if when a gay person changes to become straight, do they go back into the closet? What about bisexuals? Are they just sort of standing in the closet doorway like there's gonna be an earthquake or something?

Which brings to mind transgender and those who've undergone "the change." Do they go in, out, walk around the closet or what?

What if the closet door gets closed and locked? Is there no going back? Can you jimmy it? (Maybe that's the wrong term..)

This is extremely confusing stuff. Maybe if it made more sense, people would be more accepting of homosexuals.

Which makes me wonder how the closet feels about all this. It's sort of caught in the middle through no fault of its own.

If I were a closet, I'd just close my door, bolt it, and tell everyone to F off and find a new analogy.


--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

History of Government Industry

My cousin sent me this via email and I wanted to publish it here.

The U.S. Post Service was established in 1775 - they've had 234 years to get it right; it is broke, and even though heavily subsidized, it can't compete with private sector FedExp and UPS services.

Social Security was established in 1935 - they've had 74 years to get it right; it is broke.

Fannie Mae was established in 1938 - they've had 71 years to get it right; it is broke. Freddie Mac was established in 1970 - they've had 39 years to get it right; it is broke. Together Fannie and Freddie have now led the entire world into the worst economic collapse in 80 years.

The War on Poverty was started in 1964 - they've had 45 years to get it right; $1 trillion of our hard earned money is confiscated each year and transferred to "the poor"; it hasn't worked.

Medicare and Medicaid were established in 1965 - they've had 44 years to get it right; they are both broke; and now our government dares to mention them as models for all US health care.

AMTRAK was established in 1970 - they've had 39 years to get it right; last year they bailed it out as it continues to run at a loss!

This year, a trillion dollars was committed in the massive political payoff called the Stimulus Bill of 2009; it shows NO sign of working; it's been used to increase the size of governments across America, and raise government salaries while the rest of us suffer from economic hardships. It has yet to create a single new private sector job. Our national debt projections (approaching $10 trillion) have increased 400% in the last six months.

"Cash for Clunkers" was established in 2009 and went broke in 2009 - - after 80% of the cars purchased turned out to be produced by foreign companies, and dealers nationwide are buried under bureaucratic paperwork demanded by a government that is not yet paying them what was promised.

So with a perfect 100% failure rate and a record that proves that each and every "service" shoved down our throats by an over-reaching government turns into disaster, how could any informed American trust our government to run or even set policies for America's health care system - - 17% of our economy?

Maybe each of us has a personal responsibility to let others in on this brilliant record before 2010, and then help remove from office those who are voting to destroy capitalism and destroy our grandchildren's future.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

This is Heroes' Day

I'm going to stick my neck out and say something that some might consider inappropriate for this day, the anniversary of 9/11/2001.

Today is not Patriot's Day.

We all know the history of 9/11 and what happened on this day in 2001. We also know why it is called Patriot's Day and why President George W. Bush and Congress thought it appropriate to name this day Patriot's Day.

They were wrong.

Today is not Patriot's Day and what happened on 9/11 was not a patriotic thing. What happened on that fateful day was the willful slaughter of thousands of innocent Americans who were going to work that day like they would any other day. Some worked in an office, some wore badges, some carried wrenches, but all were just men and women, regular people, going to work.

What happened on 9/11 was a massive group and individual showing of bravery by the men and women tasked with responding to emergencies such as what happened at the Twin Towers on that sad day in our history.

Those people were not Patriots, they were Heroes. Patriots are those who fight for their country, whether with words, deeds, or both. Heroes are those who put themselves at risk in order to save others whose lives are already at risk.

On 9/11/2001, Heroes ran to the rescue of those who were in peril.

On 9/11/2001, people who normally would consider a good game of racquetball or getting on the subway after 10pm to be a nerve-rending event were called, instead, to care for wounded and bloody co-workers, to carry the injured down smoky stairwells, or otherwise commit acts of bravery beyond what any worker in the Twin Towers ever imagined themselves being required to do. Heroes responded to an event that occurred without warning, heedless of the danger to themselves as they helped their fellow man.

Patriots, by contrast, amassed in Lexington Square on April 19 in 1775 and decided to tell their oppressors, once and for all, that they weren't going to stand for the tyranny any longer. Patriots, on that day, fought and died for their beliefs and their country.

The biggest difference between a Hero and a Patriot is the thought behind the actions taken. A Hero must decide in a split second whether they are to be a hero or a coward. A Patriot has time to consider the options and decide the best course of action to achieve the goals that will save his or her ideals.

Neither is better or worse than the other. Both require a strong inner resolve and a dedication to the welfare of others. Heroes are required to be reactionary, ready to respond right away and to not worry about putting their lives on the line to help others. Patriots are required to be strategists who put their lives on the line when it will cause the most harm to the enemy.

9/11 is Heroes Day. A day when true American Heroes showed that no matter how soft the world thinks we are, no matter how compliant the enemies of this country might believe us to be, there are always plenty of Americans who're willing to jump in to do what needs to be done. To do what's right.

Hopefully we can count on those Heroes amongst us today to also be Patriots. Because the time is coming when the job of Heroes will take a back seat and the role of the Patriot will need to be filled.

Today, we remember the Heroes. Take your hat off and pray for those Heroes who didn't make it. Tomorrow, I hope you'll then look to your flag, your rifle, and your resolve and remind yourself that our country needs Patriots now more than ever.


--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

5 Most Romatic Places to Propose

I was thinking about this, after reading a Tremendous News post this morning. I started thinking about my own marriage proposal and how it could have been.

I was honestly not all that romantic about it. I didn't swing for a fancy dinner, didn't buy expensive flowers, or any of that. In fact, I proposed at home while we were watching TV. I just kind of blurted it out. "Hey, we should get married." A couple of months later, we were in Vegas.

It worked out, I guess, but it wasn't all that romantic. Here's how it could have been, in my mind. It's all about real estate: LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION. So here's my list of the 5 most romantic places to propose marriage.

1. Denny's
How can you go wrong with Denny's? It's the all-American restaurant, always has the happiest and most service-oriented wait staff, and has a general atmosphere that just screams "ROMANCE." Even in the smoking section.

2. Facebook
How more romantic can you be about expressing your love and wanting to be with someone for time and all eternity (or next week, whichever is greater) than by broadcasting your intentions over your Facebook wall? And theirs, of course. Otherwise it's just kind of silly.

3. The Swap Meet
Back east, you Yanks will call these "flea markets." I guess you don't have Indians and horses and stuff there. Anyway, the swap meet is probably the most charming, expressive, memorable, and romantic outdoor location I can think of for an excellent marriage proposal opportunity. They're always clean, full of the nicest and most well-groomed people, and the bargains... Hoi!

4. The Zoo
Think about it. It's obvious. Most people love animals and the zoo is full of animals. What more romantic location that just screams "FAMILY ATMOSPHERE" could you pick than the zoo? I mean, it's full of animals in prison who're just ecstatic to be there and stuff. Plus the jungle sounds are sexy. Note: avoid the monkey cages when proposing. Nothing ends a marriage's future faster than chimp poop.

5. The Star Trek/Anime/RPG Convention
Bonus points if it's all of those rolled into one event. Nothing says "I'm a sexy bitch" more than one of these conventions. As a bonus, chances are you're the hottest couple in attendance too. To do it right, though, you've got to be in costume AND seize a microphone during a presentation to make the proposal in public and preferably in song (themed to the convention, of course). Note: this is not a direct jab at Nick and Rebecca.



--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

For Harold

A friend of mine, Harold Sensor, died this weekend and I just found out about it today.

Harold had crooked teeth and shaved his head, but he was a happy man, a fun guy, and a very good friend. He talked nice about people or didn't talk about them at all.

He always wanted to buy dinner, share a cigar, or otherwise shoot the bull.

Sometimes Harold was a little goofy, often he was maybe a little too smart, but never was he mean or vindictive and he was always there. He answered his phone when I called to complain and he laughed at my stupid jokes.

We shared mutual friends, contented heartburn after dinner, and usually we were glad to have run into one another.

With Harold, there was no reason to fight, no mean spirits to contend, and nothing too rude or obnoxious not meant as a joke.

I am glad to have known Harold Sensor and he is one of the characters who've storied my life that I won't easily forget or regret knowing.

So take a worthwhile rest, Harold, on a comfortable cloud. But not for long, knowing you, I'm sure you'll be back, somewhere, sometime.

I will watch for you.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

The Secret to Lasting Marriage

A lot of people have all kinds of advice on "lasting marriages." Dr. Phil and all those dillweeds have lots of things to tell you about what you should be doing to keep a good marriage going. Or repair a bad one.

Whatever, dude.

Here's my advice, which I can confidently give after ten years of real-world marriage experience and zero psychotherapy and psycho-babble classes on the subject:

Be stubborn.

That's it. Stubbornness saves marriages. I'm convinced.

Look, I'll explain.

I have red hair. I'm extremely stubborn. Bull headed, hard as a mule, dumb as an ox, whatever you want to call it. I. Do. Not. Budge. Easily.

Therefore, we've stayed together. I won't go away, I refuse to be convinced we should split up, and I rarely even consider the possibility that we aren't "right for each other."

None of that clap-trap about "communication" and "keeping it real" is involved here. Just the fact that I will not give up. That's it.

Sure, we yell once in a while. Get angry sometimes. Call each other names occasionally. We're civilized (mostly), though, so we don't beat on, throw stuff, or otherwise abuse each other. No midnight stabbings or drunken fisticuffs happens here. We do have a row once in a while.

I've got news for Dr. Phil: that's fucking normal. People who live together, sharing finances, food, problems, dysfunctional families, etc. will fight. Welcome to the real world.

The question is how do we fight and do we make up for it afterward?

See? I suppose some psychologist will quack about how fighting is a form of communication and whatever. Ya, sure, pal. Fine.

The point is the fighting doesn't end the relationship. Why? Because we're too friggin bullheaded to let that happen.

Some people might call that hard-headed stubbornness "love." That's as good a word as any.


--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

M&Ms

Which color of M&M is the one that will kill you? I forgot. Tell you what, I'll just eat all of these and we'll see what happens. I also heard that the good colors balance out and negate the bad effects of the bad color.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Painkiller

This video is of Judas Priest playing the most killer song they've ever made. Painkiller


Not only do I wish I could play guitar like this, but I want Halford's jacket. Of course, at first glance I think I could beat him down and take it. But he's not only got tattoos on his head.. his HEAD.. but he's also a 4-octave wonder. Plus, he's probably got old man strength. I'd probably go down like a little wuss.

Oh well. I can still dream of cool jackets like this. I also like the one that he wears on the concert tour for Nostradamus. Too bad that title song sucks. It would be awesome if his lyrics didn't sound like some kind of lame-ass high school pep club chant. The music is almost as kickass as the music for this song is.

But I digress. Mostly I just wanted to talk about how I could kick Rob Halford's ass. Instead, I just made a jackass of myself since not only can't I beat him down, I can't even talk about their shit without sounding like some prep school critic.

Oh well. At least I found an excuse to post this really, really cool video.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Know What I Hate?

I hate people who hate things. That's what I hate.


--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Top 10 Favorite Bands of All Time

These are my top ten favorite bands (or musicians) of all time, in my current order of preference. The order (and sometimes who's on it) changes often, though the top 3 or 4 tend to stay in their preference spot for the most part.

1. Tool - specifically their album Lateralus, but pretty much everything this band has ever recorded is awesome. Every time I read something new in philosophy or symbolism, I find Tool has already covered it in one of their songs and I just hadn't realized it.

2. Metallica - overall, their body of work is extremely impressive and it's hard not to get stuck on most of their songs. The lyrics are deep, but not so deep you have to read books to understand them. Some of their albums suck, but everything up to (and including) the Black album is great and some of their latest stuff rocks.

3. System of a Down - I nearly made these guys second, but their total body of work is not as deep as Metallica's and while they're extremely innovative, I'm glad they went on a hiatus for a while as they were getting a little same-ol' there.

4. John Denver - ya, call me cheesy, but I love the stuff this guy recorded. My first real "album" was an 8-track of John Denver's greatest hits. Some of his songs, even though I've heard them hundreds of times, still make me cry. I know, I'm a wuss. But hey, my wife's a hot chick and they dig sensitivity, so FU. :)

5. AC/DC - I haven't met an AC/DC song I didn't like. While their lyrics and music is generally pretty shallow, it's hard to ignore them and even harder not to like them. Everything is catchy, everything is awesome, and their music just seems to keep getting better with age.

6. Pantera - consistently badass, these guys recorded some of the greatest music ever played. This band had more talent per person than most bands have in their entirety. Phil has an awesome vocal range that he never gets credit for, Dimebag was one of the greatest guitarists of our time, Vinny is for sure one of the best drum beaters ever, and Rex can pick bass strings around the best of them.

7. Megadeth - some great tunes, but I find myself listening to only 2 or 3 on each album and generally skipping the rest. They would have ranked higher had they been more consistent.

8. Rage Against the Machine - sometimes a little too socialist for me, these guys were always hard core anti-government types. One of the few thrash bands I ever really liked and definitely awesome, no matter what album you're looking at.

9. Cruachan - a Celtic band from Ireland, these guys (and girl) weave awesome Celtic music and heavy metal to make a great sound. I really like this band, especially their newer stuff, and have been following them for a while. Awesome.

10. The Isosceles Project - extremely new band, but one of the best bands of today I've ever heard. They promise to only get better and better. Musical geniuses wouldn't be exaggerating with these guys. When they've matured and put out more stuff, they'll definitely rise up my list.



--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Ode to Twitter

O, fowl Twitter,
Destroyer of my time
Ruiner of management
The reason I am behind.

O, gracious Twitter,
Responsible for a whole
One point eight percent
My site traffic total.

O, deadly Twitter,
Evil pillar of waste
Stripping my attention
Causing me to make haste.

O, wonderful Twitter,
Bringer of great distraction
To cause my mind to leap
At every promised satisfaction.

I hate you, Dear Twitter
But love you just the same.
So I will be turning off
Pop notices - them I'll blame.



--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Open Letter to Congress

The following is an open letter to the U.S. Congress, both the House of Representatives and the Senate.

Dear Congress,

Leave me the fuck alone.

Sincerely,

Aaron Turpen
Pine Bluffs, Wyoming, USA

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

How To Get a Biazillion MF GD Blip.fm Listeners and Be FN Famous!

Alright, this is for all you Blip.fm users who're getting frustrated because you have been blipping for months and have only 8 listeners. Even DJs on the AM dial have more listeners than that, you pathetic loser.

So let me explain to you how to make the big roll-in of listeners happen. Quick, easy, and FREE. You don't have to be a marketing genius or musical savant to make this happen either. You just need to not suck.

For some of you, that's going to be difficult.

Step-by-Step Plan to Becoming a Blip.fm Star

Step 1 - Know Your Audience. If you blip a lot of lame-ass music, you're going to have a lame-ass audience.

For instance, if you blip a lot of Tori Amos, you're probably going to limit yourself to listeners like that 80 year old lady down the street and that fat girl with braces in Canada who is pining after the captain of her school's hockey team.

In other words, your audience is lame because your music is lame.

Pick better music, chump.

Step 2 - Find a popular blipper who plays your kind of music (the good kind, not Tori Amos) and become one of their listeners. Then start re-blipping everything they blip.

This accomplishes two things: first, it lets you see who the good blippers are and second, it means you don't have to try to guess for yourself whether your music choices are really all that good.

You've already failed at that with Tori Amos, so your track record is not good.

Step 3 - Make Fun of That DJ. Once you've spent a few days getting to know this famous, highly-followed DJ and have been building a good song list from that DJ's blips, it's time to propel yourself to stardom.

Write a blog post, like this one, making fun of that blipper and then send it to them (via a blip). They're sure to take offense and send it out to their listeners list, who'll all click on your blip ID and blog post.

FREE TRAFFIC!

Amazingly, while this step seems like it would backfire, it doesn't. I've done it and my listener's list increased by 250,000% in only one day.

Step 4 - Repeat steps 2-4. Just keep doing this stuff on a weekly or bi-weekly basis and watch your listener count soar!

There you go, now even losers can get big time DJ props on Blip.fm and have listener groupies clamoring to be mentioned in their next blip!

Oh, and keep your Tori Amos fetish a secret. Otherwise, you'll ruin everything. Lamer.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Hyphenated American

I've decided that in order to culturally fit in with today's America, I need to be hyphenated.

No, that's not some bizarre freak body modification or piercing.

It's what you do when you go from being an "American" to being a something-American.

This is the sign that you're special part of an elite club of Americans who're oppressed, unappreciated, or somehow unique. Usually for having a certain skin color, for something your great-great-great-great-great grandparents suffered through, or because you don't like America in general and want to dissociate yourself from it.

I'm not sure which of those categories I fall into, so I'm going to have to analyze the situation.

Caucasian-American
The problem here is that too many publik skewl graduates will spell that wrong. Next thing you know, I'm in porno flicks. My wife would not approve of that. Lame.

Scots-American
Alternatively, so it wouldn't get confused with paper towels, I could use "Scottish-American" instead. Sounds great, but it doesn't convey enough for me. It's just not unique enough.

Heathen-American
This would mix my religious heritage with my nationality. That might actually work. There's precedents. The Jewish-Americans and Muslim-Americans have done it. Why not me? Ad this to the short list of possibilities.

White-American
This would definitely get me called a racist. If I said I was any other color, nobody would care. But white? Sorry, pal. Discriminatory. As if the people who use that word even know what it means. Pesky publik skewl again.

NonFrench-American
In the early 2000s, this would have been popular I think. Now? Feh. Doesn't really say anything.

Genius-American
I'm inclined to go with this one, but there are some problems. It's somewhat pretentious; not that this has ever stopped me. Too many dillweeds would see it as being an "oxy moron" though. That's almost as lame as being banned from porno.

Free-American
Seems kind of redundant, but people who are really free are a rare and dying breed in this country. I might go with this one too. Another short list candidate.

Hmm...I'm running out of ideas. There's got to be the perfect match out there somewhere, though. What do you think?

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Website Popularity

I'm wondering.. if my dog had his own website, do you think it would become more popular than mine?

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

The World's Greatest Danger

It's occurred to me that the greatest danger in the world are people with IQs in the 90-110 range. Why?

Because they're always convinced that they're smarter than they are, but they rarely have the wherewithal to realize that what they're saying, doing, promoting, or working for is utter stupidity.

They're always convinced that they're the most intelligent person in the room. If it's too obvious that they aren't, they make sure to spend all of their efforts attacking (in some way) the person they perceive as being smarter than they.

These are the people who read the comics and the sports page and consider themselves "informed." These are the dolts who make Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Al Gore and Hillary Clinton rich people.

These are the dingbats who buy books just because Oprah said it's a "good one."

Yep, the most dangerous people in the world are the pathetically average who are too stupid to realize that they are pathetically average.


--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Political Dating

If leftists suck and rightists blow...I should date a moderate...


--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Obama's Birth Certificate in Movies

I hear they're doing a new Mission Impossible where Cruise saves Obama's birth certificate from the Scientologists.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Next Week's Political News (via Twitter)

Next week in the news: The #RNC will accuse the #DNC of being statists and the DNC will retort calling the RNC fascists. #irony


--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Interpreting the Cat's Behavior

The cat is rubbing on my legs. This can have two translations:
1) "I love you, pathetic human."
2) "The food bowl is empty. You have 30 seconds to begin filling it before the peeing on stuff commences."

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Blip.fm and Big Hair

I have become a blip.fm junkie. I have discovered lots of great, new music there (see my reviews blog, Militant Reviews) and generally use it for nearly all of my music listening now. Since I'm sitting in front of this computer (or near it) nearly all day everyday, it's the way I connect to music now. I still throw in the occasional CD or load up the MP3 player, of course, but not nearly as often as I used to.

Sadly, the sound system on my computer is better than the one in my pickup. Which is down to one speaker, a broken tape deck, and an antenna that tends to slide in the wind. But enough about my killer ride, back to the music.

I listen to some hard music most of the time. The big names are bands like Slayer, System of a Down (OK, not hard, but loony), Pantera, and so forth. I also like old-school headbangers like Mozart.

Now, here's a little insight into the blip.fm metal culture: Thursdays is "#BigHairThursday" (the hash tag is a Twitter thing). On that day, those DJs I follow are occasionally throwing out big hair bands from the 70s and 80s. You know, the ones you used to make fun of in Jr. High because the lamers listening to them hadn't discovered Metallica yet.

I'm fine with the Big Hair Thursday and I even like a handful of the bands or songs that get blipped, but sometimes it's just too much. Someone on my DJ list, I'll call him @Metal_fn_Rocks to hide his identity, blips bands like WASP.

WASP, dude. WASP. Do I even need to explain further?

OK, I will. WASP doesn't stand for "We Are Satan's People" or "White Anglo-Saxon Person" like you may have been lead to believe. WASP stands for "What A Shitty Punkassbandfullofgaymorons." Don't agree with me? Well, this band is why you don't have a girlfriend, pal. Wake up.

Here's who likes WASP: gay guys who think Rob Halford is too "hardcore," women over age 40, and left handed clowns from Jersey. That's it. Women like WASP, but they are innately suspicious of any man who does. That's why they don't like you.

When WASP is blipped, I usually respond (in a Big Hair Thursday way) with Twisted Sister's "Burn in Hell." Along with comments like "#BigHairThursday WASP? Dude, WASP? You suck. You can just..."

I find this to be quite vindicating. Plus, I'm participating in #BigHairThursday like a good little metal blipper. I get revenge AND participate in the community. This is why my t-shirt says "Genius" on it.


Here's a quick tutorial on using blip.fm to find great tunes:
*Sign up for an account (duh)
*Start searching for bands you like in the search bar and blip their tunes.
*When you do that, other blippers who've also blipped those bands appear at the top of your screen. Click on those people. If their last few blips match stuff you like, click the "follow" button. If not, go to the next person.

That's about it. The rest is extraneous (giving props and so forth). You'll learn that on your own. I'm being followed by like 300 people right now, but I'm only following about 40. Why? Because I don't follow people back automatically, I only follow the ones who fairly consistently blip good music.

For instance, I was following some chick from South America. She blipped great stuff for like two days straight. Then all of the sudden her period came on and she started blipping The Cure and Depeche Commode and other whining Europeans from the 80s.

So I dumped her.

I know, doing that while she's menstruating is kind of rude, but hey, she's in South America. I'm not the governor of South Carolina, so I don't have to publicly apologize for being a dick.

So that's the run-down on my blip.fm usage and why I find a cool new band to review over at Militant Reviews once in a while.



--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Organic Printing

Is it hypocritical to print out information on organics? I mean, the paper is made from trees and probably uses a bunch of nasty chemicals to do yet. So am I hurting the environment by reading about how to help it? Hmm...

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Natural News

I'm now writing for NaturalNews.com, one of the largest health and green living sites on the 'Net. Woo hoo! My first article is on mosquito repellents:

http://www.naturalnews.com/026676_mosquito_repellents_health_sunscreen.html

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Aarons' Basic Philosophy

In an email conversation, I ended up writing out my core, basic philosophy on politics, religion, and life. You can read that highly coherent and even genius-prone prattle on my other blog:

http://www.militantlibertarian.org

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Defining "Lame"

Do you want to know how to define the word "lame?" As in "lame ass," "lame as hell," or "lame, dude, just lame."

I'll tell you how to define it: get a bunch of projects together so you have a shitload of work to do. Pile it right up so it's easy to see. Make a massive to-do list or whatever. Just visually represent that you have a crappin buttload of work to get done.

Then look at your empty, broke-ass wallet and your marginally-balanced bank account.

Yep, that's the very definition of "lame" right there. But it gets worse.

Now, look at Goldman Sachs, who took a ginormous amount of our money as a bailout and is now sittin' pretty with a gigantic, unfathomable profit margin. The lefties got all worked up over "Big Oil" profits (12%, which is marginal by any income standard), but have nothing to say about the "windfall profits" being made by Sachs. Two-faced socialists.

Now consider all of that and then you'll realize why this country is in the toilet and that the words "United States of America" and "lame" are now synonyms.

Now get back to work, you broke-ass mofo.



--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

GOP /= GOD

When will these idiots who keep clinging to the Republican Party like it's going to somehow save them realize that GOP does not equal GOD? There's no difference between your GOP worship and the Obamabots' worship IS THE SAME.

Fucking morons can't see that the GOP is the DNC with a different logo. GET A NEW PARTY, lunkheads.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

I want Congress' health plan. Screw Obama's reform plan!

RTR 4.0

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

My Mission Statement

To be visited by the Secret Service at least once a year. Bob and Chuck are nice guys.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Summing up Sotomayor Dredd speech today- 'I am da laww!'

BBQs @#$@$#^%$ Rock!

Ya, so we had a little neighborhood BBQ this afternoon. It was fun. We brought our own meat, but everything else was pot luck.

Someone made crab salad, someone else made potato salad, and there was an awesome apple slaw. We brought salad greens from our garden and our neighbor Ruth made some her special cheese cakes.

So now I'm sitting in front of my computer, well fed, trying to get the motivation to do something. I can't even stand up.

Life is good.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

How To Make a Generic Parade

Our town has a yearly parade, like most good American towns do. Last year, the town parade's theme was "You Might Be a Redneck If..."

This produced some hilarity in the parade participants. For instance, the town veterinary clinic ran a float titled "...Your Veterinarian Is Also Your Taxidermist" (which they are).

Anyway, this year, they've now released the parade details including the theme for the parade. I guess that whoever came up with last year's theme was out of town when they decided on this one, because it's about as generic as you can get:

"Old Values and New Ideas"

How lame is THAT? Comon!

So, our animal rescue group is working out what our float will be. Like last year, it will likely involve my pickup truck, but this time we have time to plan it out, so it won't just be a bunch of people and dogs in and around my pickup. :)

Here are some of the ideas so far:
Noah's Ark on a trailer with a bunch of animals surrounding/in it.
Pro: Fits with the theme and lets us showcase some adoptable animals
Con: We don't have a boat and someone suggested throwing horse potatoes as candy.

Actually, that's the only idea so far. Got any of your own? Let me know.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

The Big City - 10 Things You'll Need in Cheyenne, WY

Things you're required to have with you when going into the big city (aka Cheyenne, WY):

1) Derringer in your pocket.
2) Some sort of hat, preferably a western one.
3) Manure on at least one shoe and/or pant cuffs.
4) T-shirt, jacket, bumper sticker, or license plate that features a bucking bronco.
5) At least 1 knife and/or multi-tool on your belt.
6) The ability to say "yep" on the fly.
7) The patience to sit at a traffic stop and noiselessly argue with the guy at the other corner that no, indeed, it is HIM who is to go first.
8) The guts to take your pickup truck all the way up to 75+ mph on the freeway, which is a paved road!
9) A note to yourself, probably written on your hand, to remind you that firearms are not allowed in the Post Office, so keep yours hidden.
10) To be comfortable with the fact that you're now entering Wyoming's largest city, which has almost 57,000 people in it: all packed in only a few square miles.

THE BIG CITY!


--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Vicarious

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Happiness is being on the Victoria's Secret mailing list.

Green M&Ms

So I gave my wife a bunch of green M&Ms hoping to, you know, get something going. Didn't work. Myth busted!

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

GOP.com

Someone was dumb enough to ask me my opinion on the new GOP.com website. I said "Wow, looks just like the DNC website. Good job!" When will people realize that the only difference between the Republicrats and the Demopublicans is how they'll justify taxing you to death? RE-ELECT NO ONE Send all those a-holes in D.C. packing!

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Genius

I owe my genius to my parents, who bought me an encyclopedia set when I was 7.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Vegetarian Quote

"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
-Rita Rudner

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Am I the only one who flew a Gadsen flag this Independence day?

52% Of The People Reacted Like Nine Year Olds

I received this via email and thought it was great, so I'm passing it on.

From A Teacher In The Nashville Area

ONE OF THE BEST EXPLANATIONS OF WHY OBAMA WON THE ELECTION



"We are worried about "the cow" when it is all about the "Ice Cream"

The most eye-opening civics lesson I ever had was while teaching third grade this year.

The presidential election was heating up and some of the children showed an interest.
I decided we would have an election for a class president.

We would choose our nominees. They would make a campaign speech and the class would vote.

To simplify the process,
candidates were nominated by other class members.
We discussed what kinds of characteristics these students should have.
We got many nominations and from those, Jamie and Olivia were picked to run for the top spot.

The class had done a great job in their selections. Both candidates were good kids.
I thought Jamie might have an advantage because he got lots of parental support.
I had never seen Olivia's mother.

The day arrived when they were to make their speeches.
Jamie went first.
He had specific ideas about how to make our class a better
place. He ended by promising to do his very best.
Everyone applauded and he sat down.

Now is was Olivia's turn to speak.

Her speech was concise.
She said, "If you will vote for me, I will give you ice cream."
She sat down.
The class went wild. "Yes! Yes!
We want ice cream."

She surely would say more. She did not have to.
A discussion followed. How did she plan to pay for the ice cream?
She wasn't sure.
Would her parents buy it or would the class pay for it.
She didn't know.
The class really didn't care.
All they were thinking about was ice cream.

Jamie was forgotten. Olivia won by a landslide.

Every time Barack Obama opened his mouth he offered ice cream and
52 percent of the people reacted like nine year olds.
They want ice cream.

The other 48 percent know
they're going to have to feed the cow and clean up the mess."

Remember, the government cannot give anything to anyone that they have not first taken away from someone else.


--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Why I Couldn't Care Less About Sarah Palin

For those who haven't noticed, Sarah Palin stepped down as governor of Alaska and will be leaving office at the end of July and handing over the reigns to her Lt. Governor.

There are two types of people who care about this: idiots who still cling to the GOP as if it will somehow save them from the evil liberals and the evil liberals who now can have another reason to taunt the stupid Republicans.

I don't care what your perspective on this is, Sarah Palin, whether she likes it or not, is the new Dan Quayle of American politics. She won't be able to do anything to clean up her redneck, know-nothing, image of stupidity. You can wail about how she isn't dumb, but it won't do any good.

Anyone who pays any attention realizes that political campaigns are just another way of saying marketing campaigns. Sorry, but the Palin "brand" is ruined and will have to be re-invented.

This, by the way, is likely why she's stepped down. Without being in office, she can better control where she appears, what she's required to talk about, and what kind of backlash she may or may not face when she does. It also means she can have a year or so to "cool off" and let her brand name get some rest.

Then the marketing will begin again. Probably starting with a book or a few TV appearances on daytime "warmup" shows. Maybe as an NRA spokesman or something.

Regardless, I couldn't care less about Palin's leaving Alaskan office.

Alaskans should be happy, since this will give the press a chance to find new reasons to regurgitate the Tennessee and Alabama redneck image and Alaskans can go back to being ignored. Except on the Discovery Channel, of course.

**Note to Discovery: if you stop airing Deadliest Catch, I will not only stop watching your channel, but I may stop using Hulu altogether. Until the next season of Dirtiest Jobs, anyway. In fact, if it comes down to a question of Deadliest Catch vs. Dirtiest Jobs, you can dump the crab guys. So feel free to ignore Alaska like the rest of us do.

Anyway, there's my take on Sarah Palin. Honestly, if she disappears and never surfaces again except as a judge on American Idol or Miss America, I'd be fine with that. Really, people, she's not that special.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Buh

Interest.. waning.. must have.. mental.. stimulation.. or ice cream. Either/or.

(Tweeted)

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that. Or just Twitter: Tweet Me

Hell in a Bucket

How to guarantee yourself a spot in hell: news.yahoo.com» Cop tasers pastor at church.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that.

If you aren't following www.twitter.com/qutequte it can only be cuz you suck.

A Whole Day Offline

Wow, my Internet went down this morning and I spent the whole day until now offline. I wrote over twelve pages of great content, got a lot of background reading done, walked the dogs, worked in the garden... I had a real, live day today!

I think I'll unplug the 'Net on a regular basis. I had no idea how chained I am to the WWW. I work too much.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that.

Politicians

So I get sent this email with the subject line "What the Liberal Media Aren't Telling You About Obama's Healthcare Plans."

I didn't even open it. I just deleted it. I mean, comon. I know what they're not telling me: they're not telling me pretty much everything. Duh. The media (liberal or not) doesn't ever tell you anything. They're worthless. So why would I bother reading about what some crackhead sending me email says they aren't telling me.

I'm already convinced they aren't telling me anything anyway. So whatever Obama, Hillary, Glenn Beck, that Republican from Tennessee, or anybody else is in favor of, I know I'll hate it.

In fact, it's pretty much come to the point where if the says "law" or "legislation" or is anything even remotely related to those things, I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna hate it.

You know? Screw these people in Washington and all these wannabe political pundits who're gonna tell me that the "liberals" are going to "do this, that or the other" or that the "conservative bigots" are gonna do "the other, that or this."

If your whole political world devolves to "liberal" vs. "conservative," you're as much as jackass as whoever it is you're currently "hating" because they're a "liberal" or a "conservative."

Here's my view of politics: it's "us" versus "them."

We (us) are the regular everyday people who just wanna live our lives, have jobs, and do stuff like regular Americans. Maybe we wanna cook hot dogs or go shooting clays or have a gay pride parade or go to the church of the wombat. Whatever it is, we just wanna be left alone to do it.

"Them" are the rest of the lot. The ones who want to control when and what kind of hot dog, how often and where the wombat can be worshipped. Those a-holes.

So as soon as you tell me that something important is happening in the State House or the White House or any other capitalized mansion of a building, I hate you and everyone involved in whatever it is you're telling me about.

Shut up already. I know, I know, they're screwing us. I don't know what you learned in Civics class, but I know what I learned: government exists to put things in people's butts and tell them how great it is for them. Government is made up of perverted proctologists who haven't learned about lube and don't wear rubber gloves.

So here's my thoughts: if your ideas don't involve the mass murder of politicians and their lackeys, I could give a shit less about what you're thinking. Shut the hell up and find someone else to spew your clap-trap to.

Yes, I'm with the terrorists. Ask anyone in D.C. or any of the alphabet-soup agencies out there. It's well established. I'm described in all their reports.

Oh well. Remember? I don't care about them. They're part of the system that I no longer believe in or give a flying rat fart about.

OK, the rant is over. Make sure to send it to your friends.

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that.

Politicians, Taxation, and Revenue

The next time I hear a politician talk about taxes and use the word "revenue," I'm going to explode in a shower of over-taxed hysteria.

When will these morons understand that taxes are NOT "revenue!"

Ya, I got yer "revenue" right here, you SOB. Come and get it!

--Read more coherent stuff from Aaron by visiting his main blog at Aaron's EnvironMental Corner - where the environment is looked at mentally. Or something like that.

Welcome to Aaron's Randomocity

This is where I post the completely random, often unrelated, and generally disconnected thoughts I might have. Some are Tweeted and some are emailed. Others just struck me and got posted here.

My mind is a cluttered hodgepodge of things ranging from philosophy to (worthless) factoids to anger management issues.

This blog will maybe give you an idea of what's going on in my head. Or provide evidence for the sanity hearing. We'll see.